Telling the truth and hearing the truth are difficult. Ever wonder why?

Because they both require some form of courage, acceptance, clarity, self-reflection, and a risk of not being liked if you are the truthteller.

I grew up in a household where you were definitely going to get the truth. Being the youngest of seven, there was no room or time for cradling emotions. If it “sucked” (my brother’s words, not mine), you were told. If it was unappealing, my mom would say it was “curioso,” aka curious. We all knew what she meant, and if you were caught lying, well, you were told to go pray and ask God for forgiveness. Honesty was a commodity in my upbringing, and I carried it with me until I found myself in a relationship built on lies.

That changed everything for me.

I, for one, hate lying for many reasons. I would always say to my sons, ‘It’s not the irresponsible behavior that you’re in trouble for, but the lying about it that’s going to upset me more.’ And boy, did they learn that right quick.

There is something so deprecating about being lied to. I often wonder why folks struggle with the idea of simply telling the truth. If you don’t want to go…say it. If you don’t like the movie, say it. If you don’t like the music, say it.

But say it kindly.

A few months ago, I was invited to an event, and I declined the invitation. I had very real reasons for not attending, and I felt I owed the invitees an honest explanation. I cared about them enough that I believed they deserved to hear the truth, and I did not want anyone making up an excuse for my absence.

My husband was surprised by the transparency in my reply. It was necessary to avoid any misunderstandings. There’s a lot of that going around. In this instance, my honesty was received, and we moved on without hurt feelings (I hope).

We struggle with the truth because it requires us to take responsibility. We’d much rather coat our images, behavior, and words with filters that make everyone like us and feel comfortable. I must confess that sometimes, an honest answer can be off-putting. It can elicit a visceral reaction, or it can prompt us to pause.

Most folks do not want to hear the truth.

Maybe they were raised in a world in which everything was full of fairytales and roses. But that is not real life. That is not the world that is waiting for us outside.

Social media has given us ALL permission to lie. Look at me; I’m good; I’m perfect; I’m “real,” I’m living my best life…

It is all a setup. And when the truth is spoken, we break, we are offended, we run away, we isolate, and for some, it can be detrimental.

I hope that we learn to live in the truth of who we are at any given moment. I hope that we can teach our children the value of living a life of integrity and honesty rather than always pretending. I hope we can build relationships founded on honesty and transparency, where we show up for each other, even when things are not always great. I hope we learn that we are more than our worst days and that better days are ahead of us. I hope we learn that it’s okay to say, ‘No, I can’t,’ ‘I don’t want it,’ or ‘I don’t like it.’

Honesty must be immersed in kindness, grace, and mercy.

For some, “can’t handle the truth”.

May love always lead the truth.