Soul of a Woman

This year, I chose to make a concerted effort to practice Lent in a way I had never done before. I placed ashes on my forehead and sat still for 40 days.

40 days to fast, repent, reflect, deny myself and grieve.
No news. No social media. No meat.

During this time friends were managing life-changing events, illness, deaths, financial hardship, celebration of new life and new beginnings. I found myself genuinely present in all the events. No phone, no social media posting, just in the moment.

I started taking longer walks and reading different books. Seeking and reflecting. I listened more intently to differing opinions. I sat with disappointment in a way that was challenging for me. I waited in a way that seemed frustrating and exhausting.

I learned…I learned a lot about myself.

I found this season to be difficult. There was an exposed season of famine in my life that was not only monetary but also spiritual and emotional. All of them collided in a way that I was embarrassingly unprepared for. We often believe that money will not affect our emotions and our spirits. But what it truly does is expose our faith. It peels back the insecurity that is frequently overlooked because we never had less than needed or required. We tap into our spirits with confidence because our finances are secure.

In this season of Lent, I was exposed. I saw a side of me that was not healthy, not forthcoming, and not authentic.

In this season of Lent, I learned that I still have so much more to lay down and let go (actually surrender but that’s for another post) .

Even in my season of “wealth,” there was still a season of “lack”.

It is a painful lesson to look in the mirror and see a version of yourself you don’t recognize. The challenge was great, the work was arduous, but the outcome fulfilling. It takes a season of darkness to both see and appreciate the light.

I have a long way to go, but I am moving forward with clarity unlike I’ve ever had, of which I am incredibly grateful.

The cup was not taken from me, and for that, I am humbled.

Keep walking forward; don’t sit too long in the darkness.

Not everything needs to resume after a season of fasting. Somethings need to left in the fast. It’s a beautiful realization that you no longer need or desire what you went without in those 40 days.

That’s called freedom.

Thankful for this season of Lent.