This was the year of weddings!
We received six wedding invitations of which we were only able to attend three. It seemed that each time I opened my mailbox, there was another engagement, save the date and wedding invite.
We take our attendance at weddings very seriously. Someone very wise once said, when you commit to showing up to a wedding you are committing to the success of the marriage. You are making a promise to the couple that you will pray and support them through their married life. That concept truly made me think.
How many of us think of our attendance in those terms?
So as I pondered on all these beautiful weddings that we attended this is my advice to the newlyweds of 2019!
During conflict
Talk, talk and talk some more; Go for a walk in silence; Ask for forgiveness
Communication
Understand your spouses’s personality; Have real expectations (he/she was always this way, he/she didn’t change); Take time to listen without being defensive; Keep a short account (let the grudge go)
What you wished someone had told you
It’s not his/her job to make all your dreams come true; Keep something for yourself – job, hobby, friendships; Everything doesn’t always have to be perfect; He can’t read your mind; Marriage is WORK; Be flexible
Rules of friendship w/ the opposite sex
Talk about relationships that are non-romantic, How does he/she feel about that; Your spouse must always come first; Trust and boundaries must be clear.
Maintaining Intimacy
Keep healthy boundaries with your kids and your time; Make your bedroom a sanctuary; Hold hands; Stay connected phone calls, texts, emails; Words of Affirmation (we each need to know we are desired); Dates are key, whether during the day, noon or night and even in your own home; He/She must always be your boyfriend/girlfriend; Stay on point with your grooming and appearance.
Extended Family Conflicts
Set boundaries; Create your own family traditions w/ your spouse and kids; Don’t allow guilt to drive your decisions.
When things are difficult
Remember who you fell in love with, that person is still there. Life is happening to you and sometimes those circumstances are beyond your control. Forgiveness is key. Record keeping is never a good thing. People grow and can change. Be open to new adventures. Be an encourager. Hold hands even when you don’t want to. And ask for help when you’ve hit a wall.
So to all these newly wedded starting their “forever” life, may we commit to pray for you, encourage you and support you …
Because…Marriage is work!
Lesson:
Don’t judge someone’s marriage. You don’t know the work they are doing.
‘Til Tuesday
