Save Yourself

The past few weeks I have sat in several conversations where someone said, “I need to let it go” or “I’m letting it go”… it struck me that there is a marked difference in these words along with their actions and all I kept thinking was “save yourself.”

“Letting go,” is a slow and sometimes painful process of releasing a person, an experience, a conversation, a Facebook friend (yep that is a real situation), a dream, a child, a job that we thought we couldn’t live without.

In the process of letting go, there are tears, mourning, laughter, joy and a sense of relief waiting for us on the other side (we just have to get there).

I learned that once you start letting go, you begin to place things that were out of order in their rightful place and you begin to create space and understanding for what is supposed to be in your life. Letting go is an exercise of obedience, and in it, we find our growth, our peace, our new day. We begin to see and experience change.

It is a mental, emotional and physical exercise of our will.

When you “let it go,” it’s an immediate reaction to a situation that may be un-beneficial, hurtful and unfruitful. It may be an argument that you know will not benefit either party. It may be a relationship that is toxic, and it requires immediate termination.

When you let it go…it’s done. You drop it, and it’s over.

Whether you need to “let it go” and are “letting it go” you must face the fact that you are “saving yourself” from what was never a win and you begin to open up to the possibilities to all the victories in your life.

Mourn the loss and rejoice in the new beginnings, in the adventures that you are now ready to experience.  

Lesson:

When you Save Yourself, you release the power someone else can hold over you.  I never said it was easy, but it is the most freeing experience.  

Your burden will feel light.

“Til Tuesday

Wonder Woman….

As a child, I have always loved Wonder Woman. I have countless images dressed like her! There was no one like Lynda Carter and her twirl and gold cuffs.
Now as we walk into this new generation of Wonder Woman -I have come to understand and believe that …

We all have a little bit of Wonder Woman in us…

supernatural emotional, mental and physical strength.

Each day we rise up with a plethora of tasks that require us to think for ourselves, for our children, for our spouses and the world around us!

Each day we manage a crisis, bless others around us, provide emotional, physical and financial support to those who need it!

Each day we decide if today we will change, what will we change and do we have the strength to change.

Each day we struggle with our value and our worth. Often time comparing ourselves to others, forgetting we are good enough just the way we are.

Each night we lay to rest our fears, insecurities, concerns, only to pick them up again the next morning and start all over again.

For all the Wonder Women that walk this beautiful life….

You are strong enough
You are wise enough
You are beautiful
You are here!

If you know a Wonder Woman,  just say thank you and give her a hug.

Lesson –
For as long as you have breath
there is a bright and beautiful purpose in your life.
Be still and know that HE is God
Be still and know that YOU are loved!
Rise up!
Someone needs your supernatural powers today

‘Til Tuesday

The “Burden of Eve”

Burden – (1) a load, especially a heavy one. 
(Thesaurus) encumbrance, strain, care, problem, worry, difficulty, trouble, millstone; responsibility, charge, duty, obligation, liability.

During a conversation I was having with my soul friend, I remember telling her …

“We must speak life and not death into our husbands, into our circumstances, it’s our burden the “Burden of Eve.”

I remember immediately writing it down in my journal and believing something birthed in me. An understanding. The Burden of Eve is that which we inherit when we are born female. Some of the burdens are choices, actions, lifestyles.

Raised in a home where the role of the women was clearly defined. My mother was the cook extraordinaire and housekeeper, unlike anyone else and for the most part, the disciplinarian. Though in her role as a wife and mother, she always had dreams, she guarded them quietly in her heart. She was quick to point out that she was proud that her two daughters had obtained higher education and careers.

She said she lived vicariously through our courage.

From that moment on I realized that every woman has dreams that often get deferred for others. We begin to carry others burdens. My mother did her best with the life experience she was afforded. Limited education, moving to a foreign land, needing to learn to speak and understand a new language, raise seven children in the housing projects, cope with the death of a toddler and submit to a relationship that was not perfect.

You see her burden was real, cumbersome, and negative. Her joys were her children and grandchildren. Because of her limited exposure to life and love, my choices were limited and easily influenced. Somewhere along the way through a tremendous heartbreak and humiliation, I rose up to see that there was more.

I desired to do more, be more…

I survived the projects, a failed marriage, moved to another state, lost two babies, survived two different forms of cancer, walked my oldest son through the gravest experiences of his life, among other many other experiences.

You see these were my burdens, in which I found my purpose, my joy, my strength, my truth, my voice.

In the moment of unraveling came my truth, I was exposed, humiliated, and vulnerable. I am convinced that it unraveled because it was not my burden to carry. The outcome was a shattered person that in the exterior looked like she had it all together, but with the unraveling came the exposure of a frightened woman, who realized the burden was too great to carry and I had to let it go.

I began to live in my truth.

We must redefine our burdens and believe that how we carry them will determine the outcome of our lives. You see burdens were never meant not to be carried.

They were meant to be identified and redefined.

Many of you may be wondering what exactly do I mean when I say, “The Burden of Eve.” Well, just that, the load, the weight that woman carry just by definition. Here are just a few that come to mind. Daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother, encourager, confidante, organizer, helper, caregiver, housekeeper, prayer warrior, manager, counselor, nurse, chef, driver, provider, a listener. These are not in any particular order and are only just a few. We all have them in varying priorities. The moment we are born into this world, no matter the status, we are marked, branded, if you will, with all these labels and responsibilities and thus begins the process of molding and modeling.

When I speak of burden, it is not in the negative definition, but that which has determined your life. Your experiences, and your choices along with their outcome. While researching the word “Burden,” often used in a “negative” way, I choose to look at the word itself, I began to see a different “B.U.R.D.E.N.” when it comes to us as women.

We are (B) believing (U) understanding (R) Rewarding (D) Demanding (E) Exciting (N) Nurturing – These words identify our roles as women and often how we move in our circles. 

As you can see my goals is to redefine “Burden” –

Give it life, give it strength, give it power for good.

We, as women have to realize and grasp the idea that burdens are inherited gifts that strengthen our resolve. They are not meant to break us. Exterior forces and influences make or break us.

The choices.

Ultimately, how we live our lives is how we will end our lives. Were we happy in our journey? Did we experience joy in our relationships? Did we find peace in our day to day existence? Did we surround ourselves with the truth? Or is our burden weighing us down?
What are you holding on? Why are you holding on to it? Does it validate your experience? Do you feel that if you let it go, you will be exposed? Will you have to face yourself in the mirror and look at your truth?

When we let things go, we allow room for what is supposed to be in our lives to take its rightful place.

If we loosen the ties that bind us, we will open up a space to find rest, peace, and understanding.

Lesson:
Embrace the beauty that God created in you and 

 carry the “Burden of Eve” with joy, strength, and love.

Til Tuesday

Saying I do…..

I said yes.  I moved across the country, and I gave up my identity.  I became a wife, his partner.  I became the homemaker, housekeeper (well not for long), I became the accountant and soon after I became the mother of his children.

During the past 24 years, I juggled my identity, our lives, the lives of our children and our marriage.  I have managed to live in an unconventional marriage where being apart from each other is the norm and being together is unusual.

We have weathered in our distance, family divisiveness, disagreements, financial challenges, two miscarriages, illnesses, different homes and false accusations.

You see when you say I do, no one can actually tell you how it’s going to work out because each person is different.  You can read as many books on marriage and relationships, but it isn’t until you get married and start doing life together that you come to understand what you really said I do to!

One critical decision we made in our marriage, no matter how difficult and painful the challenge we were facing..we would never walk away.  No matter how much we hurt, we would sit still and hold on.

We have cried, forgiven and loved.

I often look at seasoned couples and think to myself, how much have they forgiven.  How much have they given up?  How much have they laid their lives down for the other partner so he or she could rise up?   How much have they loved when love didn’t come easy?

In the past several years I have regained my identity.  I still hold the role of wife, mom, partner, homemaker, accountant, business owner.   With our years of experience and respect, I have come to understand the true meaning of “I do.”

I said I do to love, laughter, fear.  I said I do to holding your hand when I didn’t want to.  I said I do to sitting quietly when there are no words left to say.  I said I do to our children, I said I do to the unpredictable journey.  I said I do to accepting and walking through many valleys. I said I do to hopes and dreams deferred.

In saying I do to what didn’t seem familiar or comfortable for me, I found my voice.  I found my identity.  I found my purpose, I found my calling.  I began to remember that young woman that dreamed.  I remembered the woman that I was before the name change.  She was always there.  Just waiting for her turn…and it came.

To her I say, I do.

Lesson:

Don’t lose yourself.  Hold on to the person YOU fell in love with. Hold on to the person HE fell in love with.  Keep your identity and always remember to hold hands.

 “Til Tuesday

*image was taken by our son Paul.

He keeps answering my heart!

Have you ever sat still enough to ask, God, do you see this? Are you listening? Do you know my heart?

Have you ever sat still enough to recognize that God sees all things, He listens to everything, and yes, He understands the desires of our hearts!

Our hearts hide the most intimate details of our wishes, dreams, and desires…and HE sees them!

I have come to understand and accept that though I may not see the answers to my heart prayers instantaneously, I have lived long enough to see them answered in God’s perfect time.

I love it when God shows off in the little details of our lives. It’s there when I see the perfect hand of God moving. It’s when I know that HE so profoundly sees my tears, and is paying attention to my life.

Someone once told me to “pay attention to the details.” I didn’t quite understand that at first, but in the details are the finishing touches that perfect room, a table, design.

It’s in the details that we see the intention of the artist in the completion of their work.

When you walk into someone’s home most folks notice the big picture, but it’s in the details, that we get to the person’s character, know their likes and see their personality.

God is in our details, not just the big picture.

We miss a lot because we focus on the big picture. Yet, if when we are still enough to focus on our life’s details, we will see the visible hand of God sketching out the perfect outcome and in those details, as in all details, is thoughtfulness that is specific to our heart, our prayers, our desires and God sees those.

Those are the answers to prayers that blow me away. Yet, those take time to get answered.

So you see, I have come to know that He still answers my heart. It’s in my heart, my core, that the most intimate desires live! There is a reason it is said: “Guard your heart”…

We keep our hurt, joy, and aspirations in our heart. We love our heart. Our hearts can stop beating, and our hearts provides the flow of oxygen that we need. It is the epicenter from which all things flow.

Yet, when God sees our hearts, he sees the brokenness we hid, the fear we mask, the pain we ignore along with the dreams and desires, and when we are ready, he heals our heart and answers our heart prayers.

What prayers have you guarded in your heart? What desires are you holding onto? What dreams are you still believing for? Keep praying in your heart!

Lesson:

Don’t give up on the secret dreams that you guard in your heart. God sees them and knows when you are ready they will be answered. Believe God

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬ 

“Til Tuesday