This is me…

So!  It’s my birthday!

Yup, that time again to reflect!

Shed some tears, laugh out loud and walk in silence.

Growing older has been quite the journey for me.

Aging, well that is another matter altogether –

 Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

Listen

Love

Cry

Laugh out Loud without apology

Dance

Sing

Create

Forgive

Volunteer

Embrace silence

Enjoy the noise

Say yes more often

Say no and mean it

It’s okay to change your mind

Apologize

Accept the apology

Accept yourself

Accept others

Love God

Live generously

Live honestly

Be teachable

Speak up

Stand for something

Be loyal 

This too shall pass…

Though in no particular order I have learned how to live in these moments.  With them, I have grown and become more of the person I was created to be. It has come at a high price of letting things go and accepting new ideas.

I have found myself stretched at times to the point of breaking, yet I never do.  I have found myself at the point of a breakdown, yet it never happens. I have found myself at the point of complete and total loss, yet I find myself.  

That is part of growing, maturing and accepting.  

So Happy Birthday to ME! – To another year where life will be unpredictable, eventful and full of EXPECTATIONS!!!  I accept it all.

Lesson:

Enjoy YOUR journey…it was created just for YOU!!! 

“Til Tuesday

He’s whispering…can you hear it?

While doing my spring cleaning I came across a folder that was full of writings. They were each dated, and I was curious to read where my heart, mind, and soul were living those many years ago. What was my current state of mind? What was I thinking about? And I came across one entry that spoke to my heart and the season where I am right now, and it was titled.

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“God’s Silence” (dated  October 4, 1993)

Moments of uncertainty seems to surge into my life creating pangs of loneliness.  Silence a form of communication of which God has chosen to speak to my heart. Stillness has enveloped me, making my days go by allowing open lines between God and Me.  Hardship has been a part of my growing up, and now stillness and silence seem to comb through my days soothing any open wound that may have been left sore.  Being and knowing God’s will in my life is an ever-pressing challenge, often allowing for bitter tears to be shed to allow strength to move on to God’s plan.  Strength has been a common thread through all of life’s trials

Silence -“ God’s Silence, Then What” a so appropriately titled devotion of “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers.  As I read these words, they rang in my heart, they ripped through me and encourage my wounded spirit. It read as follows:

“Has God trusted you with His silence a silence that has great meaning?  God’s silences are actually His answers…His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself.  He will give you the first sign of His intimacy – Silence. 

I thought to myself, what a privilege!  Though these moments are the most painful you can experience, it’s through these moments we can audibly hear the voice of God speaking to our hearts.  My greatest job through this is to be still. And being still is humanly difficult.  We battle again our very own flesh, hoping that one day we can discipline ourselves to be still. 

More importantly to be understood that stillness is the exercise we will practice so that we can be found in God’s perfect will.

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As you can read over 24 years ago, I was still being chosen to be close to the heart of God!

I learned that if I intended to grow and be more like Him, I needed to be pruned by Him so I can reflect Him.

I didn’t have all the answers when I wrote these entries, but what I do have is an incredible sense of Hope.

That no matter your circumstances, if you are in the midst of a season of Silence, it’s not a bad thing, but a blessed one,  because there lies your ability to listen to…

God’s whispers. 

Are you going through a season where you feel invisible? Alone?

As if you no one is listening?

Be still.  God is whispering.

Lesson 

The noise in your life can often be a distraction to what is supposed to be in your life. Embrace stillness. 

“Til Tuesday

Just write…

How do I inspire when it’s me that needs to BE inspired.

It’s hard to write when your life is experiencing chaos and turmoil.

It’s hard to write when all you want to do is lay in bed and sleep until your trial is over.

It’s hard to write when what you want to say is too painful to utter.

Yet I know this is not forever.

 I know this moment will help me grow into the woman I am supposed to be.

 I know that no matter the outcome all is as it should be.

So, I write, I write to heal myself 

I write to inspire others.

I write to tell stories of pain and triumphs.

I write to not feel alone.

I write so that you know you are not alone.

I write to bring hope!

No matter where you are in your life’s journey. You are the author.

You are the expert in your life.

Write, write in your highs and in your bitter lows.

You were created to inspire everyone around you.

Live generously every day and…

Just write!

Lesson:

 “Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.                                        – 1 Corinthians 13:13 (MSG)

‘Til Tuesday

Love…it sometimes hurts.

You are broken, and I can’t fix you

You are broken, and I will not hide it

You are broken, and I must release you

You are broken, and I will always love you

You are broken and I accept it

You are broken, and I will wait

You are broken, and I have faith

The shattered pieces of your brokenness will create a beautiful mosaic for wholeness that will be a witness to others.

I will love you from afar.

I will love you through my prayers

I will love you unconditionally 

I will love you because you are mine

 

Lesson:

Sometimes things need to break to be completely repaired.

I will wait.

“Til Tuesday

Do I call?

The call came in.

My father had a heart attack and is intensive care.

I sit still and wait.

I sit still and process what is before me.

Do I love or do I walk away

Do I choose to remember how he protected me or do I remember how he treated my mom?

Do I remember all the times he took my brother and me to the museums, the eye doctors, the dentists and parent-teacher conferences, or do I remember the lies and disagreements that would later grip my heart?

Do I choose to live offended, or do I choose to live thankful that he cared for me?

Do I choose to pick up the phone and call or do I let him exist in his loneliness and pain?

Life with my dad has been full of unpredictable moments.  Unexpected joy and gut-wrenching heartbreak.

Did he change as he grew older, or was he this man all along distant, cold and indifferent to others’ sorrow and pain?

Was I going to sit and wonder why or was I going to let go and forgive in my heart and reach out to the broken man that may or may not survive his grave diagnosis?

I chose to call.

 “Hello Pa, how are you?” “How are you feeling?”

“I am praying for you…and…

I love you.”

I chose to remember the good; I chose to remember the laughter.

He is living in pain, loneliness, and sadness.

It was not for me to add any more to his current condition.

Lesson:

It’s doing the hard things that bring the greatest reward.

Choose life, joy, and happiness, and make the call!

‘Til Tuesday